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Science Jokes

Where science and comedy collide!


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WARNING: If these jokes don't make sense, you need to pay more attention in Science class!


Q:  What do you do with a dead chemist?

A:  Barium!

Q: What do you get when you mix sulfur, tungsten, and silver?


Q: Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero?

A: He's 0K now.

Q: What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

A: A one molar solution.

Q: How do Sulfur and Oxygen communicate?

A: A sulfone


The following is an allegedly true story about an anatomist.

One day after sleeping badly, an anatomist went to his frog laboratory and removed from a cage one frog with white spots on its back. He placed it on a table and drew a line just in front of the frog. "Jump frog, jump!" he shouted. The little critter jumped two feet forward. In his lab book, the anatomist scribbled, "Frog with four legs jumps two feet."

Then, he surgically removed one leg of the frog and repeated the experiment. "Jump, jump!" To which, the frog leaped forward 1.5 feet. He wrote down, "Frog with three legs jumps 1.5 feet."

Next, he removed a second leg. "Jump frog, jump!" The frog managed to jump a foot. He scribbled in his lab book, "Frog with two legs jumps one foot."

Not stopping there, the anatomist removed yet another leg. "Jump, jump!" The poor frog somehow managed to move 0.5 feet forward. The scientist wrote, "Frog with one leg jumps 0.5 feet."

Finally, he eliminated the last leg. "Jump, jump!" he shouted, encouraging forward progress for the frog. But despite all its efforts, the frog could not budge. "Jump frog, jump!" he cried again. It was no use; the frog would not respond. The anatomist thought for a while and then wrote in his lab book, "Frog with no legs goes deaf."


Q: What do you call Iron blowing in the wind?

A: Febreeze.

Q: Why can you never trust atoms?

A: They make up everything!

Atom: I’d like to report a missing electron.
Policeman: Are you sure?
Atom: Yes, I’m positive!

Why are frogs so happy? Because they can eat whatever bugs them!

How do astronauts serve dinner? On flying saucers.

While living on Earth might be a little expensive, at least you get a free trip around the Sun every year.

What do you think of that new restaurant on the moon? The food’s great but it has no atmosphere.

What do you call two dinosaurs that have been in an accident? Tyrannosaurus wrecks

Q:  Where does bad light end up?

A:  In prism!

Q: Why does a burger have less energy than a steak?

A: A burger is in its ground state!

My friend, Power, has been stressed lately.  He says his boss is making him work overtime!  (P =w/t)

A physicist, a chemist, and a statistician go hunting.  The physicist shoots at a deer and misses by 5 meters to the left.  The chemist shoots and misses by 5 meters to the right.  The statistician throws down his gun and yells "We got him!"

Get it?  It's a MEAN joke!

A frog went to visit a fortune teller. "What do you see in my future?" asked the frog.

"Very soon," replied the fortune teller. "you will meet a pretty young girl who will want to know everything about you."

"That's great!" said the frog, hopping up and down excitedly. "But when will I meet her?"

"Next week in science class." said the fortune teller.

Q:  What do you get if you cross a barium with two sodiums?

A:  A BaNaNa!

Q:  How do you organize a space party?
A:  You planet.

What does this equation represent?


Highlight for answer:  Sailing, Sailing, over the seven seas!      (Salt = saline)

This one was submitted by a student:

When I found out that Oxygen and Magnesium were dating, I said OMg!

Why is Chlorine lonely?  His neighbor's Argon.

This one's better when read out loud:

Q:  H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?
A:  Drinking.

I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite…
He said NaBrO

If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they’d be alloys.

Q: Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?
A: It went OK.

Q: What did the chemist say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his lab?

Q: What do you call a clown who's in jail?
A: A silicon.

Q: Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?
A: Because it's pretty basic stuff.

Q: What is "HIJKLMNO"?
A: Water...it's H to O.

Q: What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?
A: He was booked for a salt and battery.

Jimmy was a chemist. Jimmy is no more. What he thought was H2O was H2SO4.

Here's another one submitted by a student.  It took me a while to get it.  Hint:  Sodium is Na.

16 Sodiums walk into a bar, followed by Batman.

Yet another student contribution:

Q:  Why couldn't the zoo animals take a test? 

A:   There were too many Cheetahs!


TEACHER: Who is Isaac Newton?

PUPIL: I have no idea, but I've heard of his brother, Fig.

TEACHER: Will you tell me how fast light travels?

PUPIL: The same way slow light travels.

Q: What do you call a tick on the moon?
A: A luna-tick

A man was looking out his window when he noticed that there was a snail on one of his plants. So he took the snail and threw him as far as he could. Ten years later the old man heard a tap tap tap on his window, and when he looked up he saw a very cross snail who looked at him and
said, “Hey, what did you do that for?”

Q: What do you call a scientific plant?
A: Chemis-tree.

At the end of the semester, a 10th-grade chemistry teacher asked her students what was the most important thing that they learned in lab. A student promptly raised his hand and said, "Never lick the spoon."

Q: What's the difference between a dog and a marine biologist?
A: One wags a tail and the other tags a whale.

Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?
He just couldn't put it down.

A chemistry teacher is recruited as a radio operator in the first world war. He soon becomes familiar with the military habit of abbreviating everything. As his unit comes under a sustained enemy attack, he is asked to urgently inform his HQ.
"NaCl over NaOH! NaCl over NaOH!" he says.
"NaCl over NaOH?" shouts his officer. "What do you mean?"
"The base is under a salt!" The chemist replied.

Q: What is a nuclear physicist's favorite meal?
A: Fission Chips.

Unknown Fact: You can be cooled to -273.15C and be 0K.

A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. He says, "No, I'm traveling light."

Q: What did Gregor Mendel say when he founded genetics?

A: Woopea!

Q: Anyone know any jokes about sodium?

A: Na

A couple of biologists had twins. They named one Jessica and the other Control.

Q: What element is a girl's future best friend?

A: Carbon.

Did you hear about the famous microbiologist who visited 30 different countries and spoke 6 languages? He was a man of many cultures.


More hilarious humor coming soon!  This site is updated....periodically!